Love Languages

Last night some of my friends and I were sitting around taking the '5 Love Languages' quiz. No worries, I'll give you the link to it (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/). This was prompted by a sermon discussion of ways in which we feel blessed or valued. One of the friends who was over is a newly married woman who is living half way around the world from her husband. Their situation is obviously not to be envied. They handle it like pros though, talking as often as possible through Skype and phone calls and spending every break from school together. They seem to be developing a very good understanding of each-others strengths and weaknesses and, the physical separation forces them to be more intimate in conversation, consequently they are discussing things that may have waited years to come up in a more traditional marriage.
So... back on topic. The three of us thought it would be really cool for her to take the quiz and see what ways she feels most valued by her husband. And so, the quiz began. At the conclusion there was of course that 20-20 hindsight vision where everything makes perfect sense and you probably could have guessed from the beginning. ;) It did bring up some really good conversation about how she feels undervalued by family members or friends when some of her top scoring love languages are not used.
The next step, I believe, was for her to forward the results to her husband who could then have a leg up when trying to make her feel loved. She also really wanted him to take the quiz so she would know how best to show him her love. All in all, an adorable success.
The rather amusing part was that this all happened right after another friend and I watched the movie 'Enchanted' and discussed the relationship advice offered throughout the movie. Yes, I know, relationship advice from a cartoon seems a tad scary, but bear with me. In the movie Giselle is of the naive 'true loves kiss' persuasion. The cynical divorce lawyer Robert gives the first bit of relationship advice.'How can you talk about loving someone you don't even know?' Touche. In relationships the whirlwind of emotions often carries the romantic through the first several stages of the relationship and drops them off confused and unhappy on the other end with a complete stranger that they don't know and don't understand how they ever could have loved. The big issue, it was never love. Love is not a fleeting emotion. Infatuation, like, lust, desire, these are fleeting emotions that we often mistakenly interpret as love.
Giselle drops the next big advice in the song 'How Does She Know' when she questions Robert on how his girlfriend (Nancy) knows that she is loved. Robert, like many others assumes that because they are still in a relationship Nancy must know that she is loved. It is a topic that they don't need to talk about. Giselle persists in asking how she is supposed to really know. The song goes on to list many (and often rediculous) ways to show someone you care, but the point remains that you must do things to show your love and affection whether it be by saying the words 'I love you,' spending quality time with the person, doing nice things for them, giving them meaningful gifts, etc... Back to the coincidence... These ways of showing someone you care just happen to be the love languages previously discussed. Go figure huh?
From the ever wise soap opera one of the characters is watching comes this thought...'How could I love a person who doesn't even like himself?' Valid point. Self respect is important in a relationship. If you don't believe you deserve to be treated well, respected, and loved, why on earth would someone take the time to treat you well? This of course doesn't excuse peoples poor behavior, but psychological studies into self fulfilling prophesies could give you whole textbooks of data on this topic. If you believe that you should be treated well, you act in a manner that often causes others to treat you well.
Many other little relationship ideas and advices are mentioned including a discussion of disappointed love, people changing over time, and lovy dovy love being a fantasy from which you will eventually wake up. Only relationships built on something more substantial can survive this rude awakening.
Enough on relationships for now!