Some Thoughts on Parenting

Most people would start out by saying that they aren't here to tell you how to raise your kids. Well, someone has to do the telling at some point...

I have become convinced that most of the problems that we recognize as belonging to the younger generations have a direct correlation to how they are raised. Parenting styles DO effect how the child turns out. 

Bribes work, but only short term, they work until you hand over the bribe or the child becomes convinced that they will not receive it. In short, bribes are ineffective. They have use on rare occasions when short bursts of heightened motivation are necessary. They should NOT be part of the every day routine. What they teach your child is that their must be some for of extrinsic motivation for every action. You do something only if you are going to get something you want in return. Somethings should be done without expecting a reward.
Consequences work, but only when enforced. Consistency is a MUST! If you aren't going to follow through, then don't threaten to. Your child knows when you are lieing. Not a pretty thing to be teaching them. 
The punishment should fit the crime. Enough of this 'your grounded' for every single offense. What does that teach them really? They drop and break something = they earn the money necessary to replace it. They behave in a rude way towards someone = they apologize and practice appropriate behaviors. They challenge your authority = they get to spend some time researching what life is like for children who don't not have the shelter and protection of parents who care about them.

Chores are good for children (and adults). We all would love to be lazy and let someone else do the cleaning. But in addition to fighting against the laziness each of us need to be held responsible for the messes that we make. It is a simple and tangible way of teaching cause and effect that will greatly help the child in later life. You drop something on the floor and you will eventually have to pick it back up. When this lesson involves food time factors enter the equation too. You pick up the dropped pizza today...takes a minute or two to clean up. You pick it up next week... might take an hour or two to scrape congealed tomato sauce from the carpet.  These simple life lessons can translate into economic and political lessons later in life.

Pets are good for children. Research has been saying for years that animals can be a positive impact on a child's development. Not only does it teach the child responsibility to have to remember to feed and clean up after another living being, but the relationship that can form between animal and child can be an incredibly close bond. This friendship not only teaches the child to value all life (not just human (or more accurately, not just their own)) but also can be a boon to the child in family upheavals, times when friends become foes, and those dark nights when the monsters certainly must be inhabiting the closet.

Answering a child's questions with 'because I said so' is lazy. If you don't actually have a reason for them to be doing something then you probably should rethink demanding that they do it. If you have a reason but do not think it appropriate to share at this point in time just tell them that. Better yet, tell them it is a surprise and they will find out later!

TV rots their brains. There is no reason children need to watch TV. The occasional family movie night is fun, and a great way to bond with the kids, but in day to day life, UNPLUG IT! There are far more productive ways for them to be spending their time. Go outside, explore nature (biology and earth science will appreciate this life lessons when it comes time to be learned) ride your bike, throw a ball, swing (physics will make a lot more sense), read a book (fiction AND non fiction!), spend time experiencing life rather then watching other people make a mess out of theirs.

No child under the age of 11 should ever need a cell phone. I'm being generous with 11 and allowing that in Middle School sometimes it can be helpful (though really, still unnecessary). If you don't know where your Elementary age child is without calling them then their is a problem. Where they are going after school, who is picking them up, what after school activities are going to be happening...all of that should be decided before they head out the door to school. Sit down in the morning with them and go over the day's plan. It is a great way to teach them organization, scheduling, and accountability! Sure, plans change sometimes, but your elementary age son/daughter should not be anywhere without an approved adult nearby. And, presumably, in this day and age, that adult will have a phone of some kind.